Tonight everyone was celebrating the quarter ending. I went to a friends to drink a margarita, and I hung out with some friends. Eventually, everyone cleared out and my friend, Leah and I headed over to this guy Evan’s place. Him and I kind of have a thing but he has a girlfriend far away at home. He is ALWAYS talking to her (or texting…or emailing) He is amazing besides that.

Anyway…I was sitting in his bed, talking to him, and he ignored me, more or less for girlfriend via text.

He always tells me any guy/girl would have to be crazy to turn me down etc but actions speak louder than words.

It just seems like everyone has someone. Except me.

I fall behind burning alone in every ending. Never even a backward glance.

Heaven wasn’t meant for me

Another thing is;

My parents threatened me with the fact that if I couldn’t get into a class, then I would have to go home and work fulltime. That scared the shit out of me. But then, when I think about it…I don’t fit in here either.

Back at home, my best friends are clean, and if they find out I’m using, won’t talk to me. I know it’s for their own betterment and good, but god that is lonely.

The biggest perk to living here is having my own room (with a lock on the door) away from the long arm of my parents’ authority.

It just seems, wherever I am, I fail to find happiness.