comatose131313

Awful Night

2007-12-15T19:50:27Z

Last night I went to jail for the first time. Minor in possesion of alcohol. It was unfair and totally avoidable circumstances. My friends parents paid my $500 bail. I love them even more for that.
I have been clean for almost a week now. It's been hard but not immpossible.
I feel empty and apathetic.
Inside i'm aching and 'm afraid that
sooon this internal pain that bleeds and bleeds will stop my heart

Please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you
This is where the road crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we're barely breathing
A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore

Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy

I listen to you cry
A cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I'm pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with blood
From trying not to speak
So search for an excuse
And someone to believe you
In foreign dressing rooms
I'm empty with the need to

Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy

Curse my enemies forever
Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation is leaving me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy

Please understand

Lay rotting where I fall
I'm dead from bad intentions
Suffocated and embalmed
And now all our dreams are cashed in
You swore you wouldn't lose then lost your brain
You make a sound that feels like pain

So please understand
This isn't just goodbye
This is I can't stand you

Alone Again

2007-12-10T10:08:10Z

Tonight I sleep alone. I HAVE to kick tommorow, not by choice, but because of circumstance.
That may be one of the reasons I feel so alone right now.
I have that familiar feeling inside
Apathetic but aching
All at once

Killing Lonliness

2007-12-08T15:00:35Z

Tonight everyone was celebrating the quarter ending. I went to a friends to drink a margarita, and I hung out with some friends. Eventually, everyone cleared out and my friend, Leah and I headed over to this guy Evan’s place. Him and I kind of have a thing but he has a girlfriend far away at home. He is ALWAYS talking to her (or texting…or emailing) He is amazing besides that.

Anyway…I was sitting in his bed, talking to him, and he ignored me, more or less for girlfriend via text.

He always tells me any guy/girl would have to be crazy to turn me down etc but actions speak louder than words.

It just seems like everyone has someone. Except me.

I fall behind burning alone in every ending. Never even a backward glance.

Heaven wasn’t meant for me

Another thing is;

My parents threatened me with the fact that if I couldn’t get into a class, then I would have to go home and work fulltime. That scared the shit out of me. But then, when I think about it…I don’t fit in here either.

Back at home, my best friends are clean, and if they find out I’m using, won’t talk to me. I know it’s for their own betterment and good, but god that is lonely.

The biggest perk to living here is having my own room (with a lock on the door) away from the long arm of my parents’ authority.

It just seems, wherever I am, I fail to find happiness.

I'm fucked

2007-11-26T22:18:07Z

So today I just realized I left my backpack with all my school stuff at my house. It sucks because I need all that stuff to do my work, which might I add I am hopelessly behind on. It just seems like I always manage to fuck everthing up. Also, one of my only friends is mad at me for no reason, and the guy I like ignores me.
Everthings falling apart.
Slowely but surely.
I'm doomed.
I took a sebacsen (sp) today. I don't feel any withdrawals from the H. That's good.
And someone took my keys and left a note on my door that they won't give them back untill I turn off "my shitty music"
So I can't leave my room untill I find them. Lovely.

comatose131313 @ 2007-11-25T21:27:00

2007-11-26T05:29:00Z

I want a girl with lips like morphine
Knock me out every time they touch me
I wanna feel that kiss just crush me
And break me down

Knock me out!
Knock me out!

Cuz I've waited for all my life
To be here with you tonight

I want a girl with lips like morphine
Blow a kiss that leaves me gasping
I want to feel that lightning strike me
And burn me down

Knock me out!
Knock me out!

Cuz I've waited for all my life
To behere with you tonight
Just put me on my back
Knock me out again

Oh, I want a girl with lips like morphine
Knock me out everytime they touch me
I want a girl with lips like morphine
To knock me out

See I've waited for all my life
To be here with you tonight
Just put me on my back
Knock me out again.

Back at School

2007-11-26T05:19:48Z

Today was my first day back to school in a little over a week. Break was Okay. I had a shitty Thanksgiving though because I had to do homework all day with my Aunt from 7Am untill right before dinner when I just started crying. It's like for months before that I couldn't cry, no matter how much I just wanted the damn to break and flood me with relief. And that night it all came out. A lot of people were over and so it sucked but owell. It's not like there was anything I could do about it. Then I felt like shit all night and I still sort of do now. Whatever.
So today was lame. I was stuck being dragged around with the family on the way back to school.
Now I'm here and I wish I weren't so alone, The only people who seek me out I don't want to see. They don't understand how I feel or what I'm going through. And an entire campus feels empty when you are invisible to the only person who mattes.

I want a girl with lips like morphine
Knock me out every time they touch me
I wanna feel that kiss just crush me
And break me down